can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
