I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
