you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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