Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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