My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
