hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
