I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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