i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
