Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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