The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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