I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
