I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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