she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This baby is an asshole
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
