how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
