and you said cock pushups were impossible
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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