how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
