Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
try to milk me bitch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
