Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
