Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
