Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
