Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
