You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
