Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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