and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
