btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
