508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
