I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't deserve a penis
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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