I am puke
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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