I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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