their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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