How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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