so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
