clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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