my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
