I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
