Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize