so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
