cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
