We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
