nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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