It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize