Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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