Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
