it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
