I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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