exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is the high leading the old right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
