Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
