the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
