Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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