at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
