When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
