Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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