Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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