At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize