i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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