he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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