Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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