Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
