She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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