Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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