im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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