you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
