His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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