Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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