Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
